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Sep. 14th, 2005 @ 11:14 pm long time no post!
Current Mood: tired
WEll.. its been quite a while since i was on here. But i got some awsome news!

I WENT TO DRAGONCON! Now to all you ppl that dont know what it is, its a huge fantasy/scifi convention. Now i was kinda not really allthat interested in what was goin on there, but i was actaully there just for the ppl i would meet.

I met john, jill, debbie, AJ, and John first. john was cool, realy funny to try to understand. jill wouldnt leave me alone and it was very annoying! Debbie was very sweet for leting me stay at her house and talk to her family! She was soo sweet to me and cuddled with me a few times too. AJ! OMG shes just the cutest lil girl ever! If i were a lil younger or she was older id soo be trying to make her like me :D She was very nice to me and even cuddled with me one night on the couch. John is married to debbie and he's just so hillarious.

then later we got justin and linda, that was some fun times. they both were. i got to spend a lil time with linda even tho shes dating justin.

Chris and her kids came in and so did brandi. After that we all were partying and hvaing fun all weekend, i wish that everbody had to wear white like i said cuz lots of ppl were in the pool.

I wana go back right now and cuddle with the cute lil AJ and linda :(
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Apr. 10th, 2005 @ 05:30 am Up before work
Current Mood: tired
Yeah im bored and im up at 5:30 am so i guess ill just post what happened yesterday.

So i got online and as usual i wanted to talk to a few specific people. The one i realy wanted to talk to wasnt on. So i waited for her and then there she was. She told me to wait 30 mins and we could talk, i was fine with that. So i waited the 30 mins just to get another message asking me to wait 10 more. That didnt bother me either, but now i have just waited 40 mins just so i could talk to her. Much later on i messaged her, asking when we'd talk. It had been a total of like 1 hour and 45 mins, so i was kinda angry. I mean maybe if i were busy doing stuff or i dont know, but i was just sittin there waiting for her. I mean im probly acting stupid bout this but it did make me mad.

Maybe im just having a bad week and i cannot do anything about it...
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Apr. 7th, 2005 @ 10:42 pm kinda down
Current Mood: numb
Well.. kinda just talked to a online friend of mine about meetin up this summer. I realized that its not all that important to her, heh i dont know why i thought it was but still its kinda depressing. We probly wont be meeting, this summer... or any summer. I know shes far away and it costs lots to make it here, but still i feel bad.

i overreact alot and i hope i get over this.. i just need to find some people that DO wana meet. And i hope that i will soon.
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Apr. 6th, 2005 @ 10:32 pm yay!
Current Mood: energetic
well.. this is the second time im goin to be typing this post.. cuz while i was typing it the first time, i kinda hit the off button the the surge protector heh so here goes again!

Today was an okay day, i got up and called in sick to work cuzi was way to tired to chance driving there. So i slept some more and came online to talk to some friends. I found a few pals of mine on here, chris and ania were the ones i talked to most. Ania showed me this program a few days ago that lets you talk thru your computer like its a phone. So we tried that out and to my surprize it didnt work :(. We talked bout her, her mama, and her lil lover boy ali. :D they are so right for eachother! I washed my car and my mama's since it was so nice, but it ended up raining anyways! So after that i fixed the passenger side back speaker in my car. I then came back inside, and talked to ania some more. It was midnight her time cuz she lives in poland, and we tried the phone program again. It worked!! it was so nice hearin her voice and being able to put a voice with the name ive been talkin to. So we talked for just a few mins.. she needed rest. But she said that i might get to talk to Ali tomarrow so that should be awsome!

It may seem like im obsessed with this new talin thing heh but its soo cool you have to try it!
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Mar. 31st, 2005 @ 10:32 pm been a while
Current Mood: thankful
Hey, well im bored so why not post on here? im happy to be on spring break.. and even better tomarrow i dont have work!! im so tired of workin in the morning but i have too.

But tomarrow im ordering some cool stuff from this friends site of mine. I had a very hard time finding somebody to buy stuff for tho :(. the first person i asked was embarresed to get stuff from me.. then ishy and kitty didnt want stuff either... but i seen that my friend came back online. I havent seen her in soo long! so i asked brandi if she wanted stuff and she said it was okay! so now im getin her stuff and her two kids some stuff too. im so happy!
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Mar. 24th, 2005 @ 12:40 am work is no good
Current Mood: numb
Current Music: Aslan Faction - Hell on Earth
Yeah well ill have to say that ive had a busy day today. Heres how it went!

6am - 3:30 pm : Woke up got ready and went to work. Did the usually stuff till bout 9:30, and i got the news where i was to shovel all this shite from the car wash.. like all that dirt that comes off your car when you go thru. So that stuff stunk like a old man, so i was all stanky when i was done. But i had to shovel it out into a wheelbarrel and wheel it out to the grass and dump it. I did that like 15 times.. and that was after i moved like 13 steel grates that weight bout 150 lbs. i did that till 3:30, so i stayed an extra 30 mins.

4 pm - 6 pm : Moved stuff out my house to the garage so the carpet guys can put in all new carpet thru the whole house. I moved beds and entertainment centers.. it sucked.

6:30 pm - 8 pm : Was in business 101 class.. and took a test.

8:30 pm to 12am : Went to my friends to relax but her and her mama asked me to take down some old blinds and put the new ones up.. while the man of the house was sound asleep. :P So i did that in like 15 mins and then they decided the wall paper looked dumb cuz it wasnt as white as the shades from years of smoking in the kitchen. So we started ripping down the wall paper.. and they roped me into helpin them tomarrow also!
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Mar. 22nd, 2005 @ 09:42 pm ello
Current Mood: sleepy
Well past few days i been just working lots at my acctual job.. and at home. I work all morning, and come home to move furniture and listen to my dad yell at me for doing what he told me to do. I think all this workin is getin to me.. im tired and its only 10 pm.

wel i cant wait till this weekend, i hope there will be some parties.. i need them real bad.

im so tired i cant even think of stuff to type.. so sleepy time for me!!
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Mar. 20th, 2005 @ 11:04 pm Sunday..
Current Mood: blah
Well i worked today.. it went buy so slow! But it wasnt all that bad, i mean damn im still here arnt i? heh

After work i hung out with two my friends that i havent seen in a while, it was a good time but i had to kick them out so i can relax and sleep. :D And i realized something today, that i dont seem to really wana come online lately.. i dont know why. There are like 3 or 4 people i love to talk to but a few other people that i feel werid talking too. And now i even feel like an ass when i post on one the forums im on. Feels like everybody there is looking to get me and i dont know its kinda werid. heh I bet im just goin nuts but thats how im feeling.

I mean the people i used to want to talk to every day with.. im kinda scared to talk to them now. I just hope this dont keep going on.. I mean i think i know the reason but its very dumb and really makes me look like a not so great guy. But i guess i dont like when my friends get other friends and get taken away from me :(
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Mar. 20th, 2005 @ 12:06 am i should be sleeping :P
Current Mood: lonely
Well its like 12 and im very tired.. but ill post on here first. past few days all i been doing is working and today was the same. I have to get up at 6 tomarrow.. err today and work till 3, im not lookin forward to that.

But im kinda thinking that im starting to level off with the friends ive made from this awsome forum i got to. I made some friends.. and pretty much lost just as many, heh kinda sad i know but what can you do? So im goin to have to start looking for more. heh let the process continue! Its hard to see some very good friends go but i have no choice, they were kinda pulled away from me. But i still do have a couple.. the two people that leave messages on here. They are wonderful :D

Well okay sleeping time for leddy ::bows and runs off to bed::
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Mar. 19th, 2005 @ 12:16 am okay now
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Prick - No fair fights
So today was okay.. work was i guess fine.. nothing special tho. I came home and went to my friends house and hung out with her and her sister. I drank a lil and came home..

That is when i heard some bad news, bout a friend of mine. I feel very bad for this friend, i dont mean to but its hard not too. She so sweet and just a wonderful person. Yet all this bad stuff happens to her, but i vow that if there is anythign i can do to make her life easier.. i WILL do it. I only know her thru the computer, but that doesn't stop how i feel for her.

I wish that i could take all the problem's and bad events that have happened to her an make them happene to myself. I would rather have this happen to me than her any day. But i cannot, and because of this i feel horrible. i wish there was something i could do to help her, but i can't. I just hope that everything goes okay and her family is okay. ::hugs his friend::

Don't worry hun, things should come out okay.. and if not please tell me where i can come to help you out.. i really wana help you out. Not cuz of sympaty, but cuz i love you babe. I dont usualy get depressed cuz this stuff but i am.. :(
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Mar. 17th, 2005 @ 10:18 pm its been a few days...
Current Mood: lazy
Well ive been doing lots of stuff this week.. like working, school, painting, moving furniture, putting up with my whole family.. way too much. But im ready for the weekend, altho ill be working fri sat and sun. I'm kinda starting to miss my friends and i hope i get to party with them a lil bit in a few days.

I was instructed heh by one my guy friends (hank) to get Melissa and take her somewhere cuz shes sick of the kids at her school and sick of her family. But i asked her and shes not coming home till tomarrow night, and i was lookin forward to takin her out just to let her relax.

OH today was like the first time ive ever just layed down and taken a nap.. it was kinda nice but i felt i was missing something. heh i probly should have been online talking to some you ppl that leave me messages on here ::hugs those ppl:: :P I guess its a good time to end this i gtg to bed, workin at 7 requires this or il be a zombie!!! ::looks for a head to munch on:: jj :D NIGHT!
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Mar. 14th, 2005 @ 10:24 pm Daily life!
Current Mood: tired
Now im back on the rollercoaster of life, and for you that do not know what it is.. ill explain. From birth to 18 its all hilly and fast, you know FUN! But after that you have to do the same thing from 19 to like 65. The coaster im now on is crawling along on a level track, this will be the worst next 50 years ever.

I started back at work today.. unloaded a whole palet of mulch and wood.. so im very tired. I mean that was just extra on the already every day shite. Then i get home and i have to clear out all these rooms for when we redo them. Im not a fan of coming home from work.. to more work.. with my ma complaining to me bout doing laundry. But i think im off tomarrow so, i should beable to relax after i do a lil more work round here.

OH OH! i just remembered.. while i was at work unloading the palet of mulch.. this guy was talkin to me. He was older but he just kept talking. He looked at me and said something like "Being a good person is hard.. but just keep it up and you'll get repaid for it." I mean he had no reason to say that but kinda made me feel like i was somewhat of a good person.

well bed time for leddy ::bows::
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Mar. 13th, 2005 @ 07:16 pm Returned
Current Mood: yay im not sad!!
Current Music: Fat Boy Slim - funk soul brother
Yes I am back.. it would have to be one of the best weekends that i wont remember. :P I drank the whole bottle of jager and some beer so i think i relaxed enough, altho id rather not go back to work :( .

Summary:
Friday - got there at like 6 or 7.. started drinking after meeting Dani (cool girl, young but funny) and her friend Maddy (cute name :D and she was also funny and young). They didnt like when me or my friends swore so we toned it down as much as possible. We play egyptian rat screw (card game) for a while as we tried to get drunk.. well me and my two friends. It was fun running round after some my lil cuzins and making dani and maddy angry.

Saturday - Woke up early with no headache.. read the paper talked to dani then went to breakfast. I left Henry and Melissa behind cuz i didnt feel like listening to them complain bout lack of sleep. I came back to them complaining bout not wakin them up.. yeah i can never win. Then Melissa wanted to go home so she called her mama and she left.. that really killed the whole weekend. Now all i had was Henry and all he does is make fun me cuz i talk to the lil 6th grader girls.. but id sure as hell talk to dani and maddy over henry. One reason is later that day he ran full speed into a wall.. he probly broke his wrist.. but still all he did now was sit around in the room and watch tv, so playing cards with they lil girls was as fun as it got durring the day. But later on i started to drink.. this is when my day became good. I was all over the hotel, talking to everybody made some new friends and was drinkin in her room. Henry didnt wana drink all night, well untill some pretty chick offered him something. Then he was all for it then... how guy like haha. Well at that point i was very drunk and didnt know what was going on, and sooner or later i made it back to my room and talked to the girls a bit and played cards.. i guess, i dont remember any of this.

Sunday - Woke up yet again before everbody else.. and that was after layin in bed for an hour, my stomach hurt ever so much. :D I got up read the paper and watched as lil kids were running round the first floor and talked to dani before we ate.. maddy isnt a morning person :P Woke henry up went to brunch.. skiped out on the bill.. and packed up. I went round the whole hotel and said my good byies, hugin and kissin all my aunts and shite.
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Mar. 10th, 2005 @ 09:51 pm no more work for leddy!
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: Tenacious D - Double Team
YAY work is over! im so happy to be rid of that place for 3 days.. heh. Well after work i got my hair cut, cashed my 400 dollar check (yeah i know i need a different job), ate some food, and went home to pack. I packed lots of shorts and summer clothes.

I got my brother to get me jager.. and my boss at work is getin me a whole case of Jager.. so im goin to be set for the weekend. I just am very worried that my two friends i have going with have fun.. ill feel horrible if they dont. If i pump them full drinks they should have fun.. so ill keep an IV of beer in them. :P

Well i may post tomarrow who knows!
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Mar. 9th, 2005 @ 10:02 pm I WANT YOU THURSDAY!
Current Mood: optimistic
Well working with this pregnant chick really makes me mad. She like just on her third month.. and shes saying she cant sweep or use the oven!!! What is she thinking?
When she does do something she makes a big deal bout it. But anyways im just happy i got another day out the way before my vacation!!!
Viva La hotel?

After work tomarrow, i got to clean my car out :( then go to the store and get the supplies! i hope this weekend is fun, cuz i need some fun right now.
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Mar. 8th, 2005 @ 10:26 pm HiLo
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Accessory - No Comply
Well a little entry before sleep time heh, im in an okay mood.. just told another close online friend bout that night. It hurts just to think bout it.. but then it feels good cuz i remember talking to Chris and the other friend.

The song also gets me too.. i love it soo much. it will be the last song i ever hear, if i have any control over how i die.

I should really talk bout some happy stuff.. bet if anybody does read these, think im some sad kid that just complains alot heh. IM NOT! This weekend me and two of my friends are going to this hotel located near Midway.. chicagos second, smaller airport. The rest my extended family wil be there and its just an excuse to party for two days and swim and shite.. i cant wait to go. So i may not have any posts on here friday thru sunday.. dont worry ill be back tho! heh
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Mar. 7th, 2005 @ 10:36 pm Changed from last night!
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Andain - Beautiful Things
Okay from my last little entry thing.. im like 158% better! Yeah i talked to a friend of mine, she really helped me alot. Shes the only friend i have on my LJ account heh, and shes one my best online friends.

I was also helped by another online friend, after i told her all my problems and that i wanted to hurt myself, she told me bout some stuf shes done. She sent me a song that she had going when she treid to kill herself.. she passed out in her dorm room and a teacher found her. I played this song for hours the other night when i was thinking of doing the same thing.. but thanks to my friends i didnt do it. Just hearing the song tho makes me feel relieved that she didnt die.. and that i didnt.

If any of you want this song heres the info. Andain - Beautiful Things
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Mar. 6th, 2005 @ 09:59 pm My first day...
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Prick - I Apologise
Well I hope that im doing all this right.. here goes.

Over the weekend it was my birthday, and for some reason im acting very werid. It seems that i do not care what others have to say, and theres nothing to motivate me at all. I was watching tv today and found that the movie "Office Space" was on.. i watched it for a bit because i love the movie. That is when i saw a part that reminded me of myself. The main character just decided not to try any more.. he just gave up. When i saw that i just found out that i may be doing the same. Its kinda depressing but i think its happening to me.

The last few days my parents and brothers talk to me and i just ignore them, and continue what ever i was doing. Ive been relying on the friends ive made online way to much lately and im begining to bug them with the problems i have. I cannot tell my family or my real friends cuz i dont feel like making a huge deal. I'm just not sure if it would be easier for me to just slowly fade away or to tell people about it and cause a scene.
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